See You in a Minute!

Sorry about lack of entries on the blog, but Michael has taken to his facebook page and loves to spend time there with his friends. Much has transpired, and mostly good news.

He is doing better. We hit the gym regularly and he is very fit and strong. Pushes dear ole dad. He gets stronger and I just get sore.

Lack of memory is still Michaels biggest challenge. I would say that and having to basically 'grow up' again. We have been through several stages of life with him again. But he is still making progress and we will all fight hard to keep it going. He wants desparately to be his former self and it is a major source of frustration for him. The fact he is handling this as well as he is is a testament to him and the support he gets from his family and friends.

'See you in a minute' comes from Michael's nighttime routine. One of the last things he says to us is 'see you in a minute', because to him he just closes his eyes and then wakes up! To him, its as if no time has passed.

I told Rosi that is what I want as my epitath. In the big scheme of things life here is short, (and I may add it is hard), and God's promise is that when we die we will be rejoined with our loved ones, but nobody will be sick or old or suffering. I am going to hold him to that promise, and thus the 'see you in a minute'.

Pops

Settled in

It has been exactly 1 month since we have been back home with Michael. He loves being at home and spending time with us which we are so thankful for. He is going to therapy on Wednesdays and hopefully they will add a second day soon. I have found a great counselor for him to talk to and she can manage his meds as well. It seems like every evening he questions us about why he was away from home so long. Even though we explain it over and over, he can't believe he was "sick" that long. Almost every activity we do with him is some sort of therapy but we try to make it fun. He is very helpful and performs severasl chores around the house and yard. He is so sweet and affectionate and that is something else we are very thankful for. He does have very limited conversation skills,due to his loss of knowledge. We are having to work on appropriate social behavior and slowly he seems to be retaining it. He is relearning body parts, names of objects, and how to take care of his daily personal grooming needs. Sometimes, when we are out in public, I feel super sensitive to people's reactions around us. I realize that most folks don't know about Michael, and that coupled with the fact that he looks normal, makes it awkward at times. This son of ours didn't deserve what has happened to him, and we will dang well make sure he has every opportunity to get back what he has lost. Please continue to pray for Michael,as he has alot of work ahead of him, as do we. Thank-you all for caring and following this blog, but mostly for your prayers. Post by Mom

Home Sweet Home

It has been 9 days since we arrived home and things are going quite well. I can't count the number of times Michael has said, " I am so happy to be home ". Those words are priceless! He is extremely sweet and willing to do most anything we ask. He has started his out-patient therapy and is spending time with family and friends. He loves sleeping in his own comfy bed, and is getting really good sleep. Let me just say that this will be a great Christmas! Post by Mom

Homeward

Rosi and I are doing a little packing here in Conroe. Michael is due to be discharged tomorrow from Touchstone. We have tickets for wednesday afternoon on America's favorite airline, Southwest, to fly home.

Michael has been spending a good deal of time with us at the apartment. We wanted to see how he would do out of the facility and he has been fine. We took him yesterday to Red Lobster to eat. When he was small we used to take him out of school one day towards the end of the year and declare it "Michael Sluder day". It usually involved a movie or something like that and eating the feast at red lobster. It was his favorite. My boys have never minded orderering steak or lobster as long as pops is paying.

I also took Michael to a golf driving range yesterday, kinda as a test to see if he remembered how to hit a ball. We used to play together some. At first he watched me and didn't want to, but I gave him a club and told him to give it a try. I didn't say a word, and he took the club and hit the ball just like he used to! He grasped the club the same and proceeded to put it way out there. The range had targets and on his last shot he aimed for the 100 yd target and hit it! He was very exhuberant and wanted to quit on that one. We were only there for 20 minutes but he did great.

Wednesday is a day we have looked forward to for awhile. We are hopeful, but we also realize it means a lot of work ahead for our family. We are thankful to have family and friends that have stepped up for Michael and us. Over the next few months, I hope the house is full of Michaels friends that will spend the time with him that he needs. He is fun and needs folks his age to do all the stuff you do for fun and learning. He may not know you at first but he can learn. He knows most of the folks in his facility because they spend time with him. That is the key.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know we are headed to Nashville.

Pops

BIG News

This is the news that I have been waiting for months to be able to announce. If all goes according to plan, Michael is set to be released (when I put it that way, it sounds like he has been in the slammer) on October 18th!! 

Whew! Just typing that brings so many conflicting emotions. I am so excited to have Michael home. I am nervous about him making the transition and how it will work. I am anxious to see what new challenges will surface (and I know there will be many, that is the nature of this beast called brain injury). But mostly, I am so so happy that he will has improved to the point that we have arrived at this place.

The first time Michael came home last December, we were covered in love by awesome friends. Ultimately, the reality is that my parents are now accepting (gladly and gratefully) an adult son that will need them way more than they expected. Because of that, they need their friends way more than expected too. And Michael's friends- what an amazing group of people- he will need you too. Dredge that love back up from the months of absence and setbacks and hopelessness, and bring it on. Pretty please.

If you are still reading, I want to share something with you that I heard this week at a conference. It floored me. In Luke 15, Jesus tells the story of the prodigal son. If you have ever been a churchgoer at all, you probably know it. The father in the Bible welcomes his son back with open arms with an enormous party despite tremendous pain and bad choices that he had made. That is a picture of how God loves us. Did you know that the father never speaks to the son? Not one word. Not all the time the son is gone, not even when he comes home. He speaks to the servant and gives instructions on how to welcome him, but never to the son. The speaker (Jon Acuff) said that is how it works sometimes when we are in the worst pain and we feel like God is not with us, not speaking to us. He feels silent, and the reason is not because he doesn't care or doesn't know how much we are hurting. It is because he is planning a party. It feels so amazing to have hope.

Partaee!!!!!!!!!!!!

We had an awesome party for Michael on Saturday! My sisters and Chelsey were here to liven things up. Of course, all were invited and one by one they strolled or rolled in for the festivities. We started out with some Marvin Gaye on the boom box to get us in the party mood. As you all know Michael and us Samson women, we had to bust some moves! Lots of smiles and laughter. We probably spent 30 minutes alone just hitting balloons at each other. Michael thought it was hilarious when one would hit him in the head and crack up. Michael had a special Birthday hat that he proudly wore during the entire party. We played pin the features on Michael, and we think he was peeking when he took his turn (what a surprise)! We all sang before he blew out the candles, but he made a wish first. Interestingly enough, he knew what that meant and did so without telling what he wished for. I think the funniest thing that day was the cakecapades. Everyone got a large slice along with ice cream, and he ate his without wasting any time, then reached over and took another. When I had my back turned, he dug in with his own fork to take his third and last piece, because we whisked it away while his eyes followed it out of the room!
 It was so heartwarming to bring some joy and laughter to these young men who are facing a difficult recovery. Just wanted to thank the Edwards family for the gift they sent. Michael really enjoyed it. Also, Michael received his first memory from Logan Redden and it was so sweet. He listened to every word, and we were all teary eyed by the time it was finished. We are putting it a memory box for him to read later. Thank-you so much Logan. We are seeing improvements daily and are very encouraged. He couldn't be more loving and affectionate. I am so thankful for that. He is starting to remember his brother and sister's names. He is also starting outings off campus once a week. Post from the "Partaee Animals" I will post pics when Loren shows me how.

Out and About

Michael had his first off-site outing yesterday. Went to a local park and played basketball. It went great! Next week he is going to go out to a restaurant. This is huge. It is a step towards his homecoming, which we are all pumped about. I hesitate to guess at a timeline, but I think it is pretty safe to say that this Christmas will be a MUCH better one than last year.

Memories

It seems like I'm always asking for help, but I just got an idea, that should be easy to do. Heres the thing. Michael doesn't have hardly any memories, so he basically needs to start over. He really doesn't know who he is as a person. So that is where ya'll come in. If any friends and family would write to him with a memory of your own, something you did together, an event or experience you shared, maybe something he did for you that shows him his character, or places you've been. Anything that might help him recall who he is. I think it haunts him to not remember if he is a good guy or not. We can read these letters to him now, and down the line, he will be able to reread them himself. Make your memory letter simple to understand and short. This would be such an awesome thing for him to have. This is his address: Touchstone Neurorecovery Center; 9297 Wahrenberger Road; Conroe, Texas 77304-2441 He also can take phone calls anytime on the weekend between 9-9 or after 3:00 pm. on weekdays. The number is (936)788-7752 ext. 251 or ask for the Winsor House The code you may need to have if asked, is 17078 To his friends who have been unable to visit: this is something all of you can do! PLEASE help Michael remember who he is! Post by Mom

Reflections

Aaron and I got to spend this past weekend in Conroe with Michael. It was a great weekend, I will update you all about his progress, but I have been doing some reflecting this morning and want to share.

I have read two books in the past month about people who died, went to heaven, and were sent back. One was about a little boy "Heaven is for Real" and one about a grown man "90 Minutes in Heaven". Now, I know that some of you are rolling your eyes at this and thinking "Whatever, crazy talk." And that is ok. I believe it. I can tend to be the cynical type about certain things too, but these stories rang true to me and really, why would I choose to not believe? I am going to be (really) honest and tell you that there have been times over the last 9 months that I have wondered and asked God why He let Michael live. He has been through so much pain and his quality of life is so drastically changed, why did God send Brandon Hively into that apartment to rescue him? Brandon told me in the days after Michael got sick about that day. He felt a strong urge and almost a voice in his head saying "Get Michael out of there!" That is not an accident.

After spending some quality time with him, I am more than convinced that Michael is not done here. Maybe it is to provide inspiration to others, to cause his friends to reflect on their lives and love people better, maybe it is for our family to become closer. All of those things are true. I like to think it is because God has a miracle in store for Michael. Maybe not that he will magically wake up one day the old Michael Sluder, but that he will become someone different, stronger, more fully alive because of what he has experienced. Faith is a choice, and I choose to have faith in God to do something miraculous in Michael's life, and I choose to have faith in Michael's ability to overcome. Otherwise, he would be in heaven right now.

Ok, so here are some progress notes:
8 months ago, Michael's speech was almost pure gibberish. Today, he is speaking clearly 90% of the time. He can communicate his needs and wants, pour out affection on others, and have a full conversation.
8 months ago, Michael had lost a ridiculous amount of weight, had no idea what food was and wasn't, and had almost forgotten how to eat. Now he is putting away three square meals a day and they are having to limit him to that! He is healthy and strong physically.
2 months ago, Michael was violent, verbally abusive, and sexually inappropriate. His behavior is radically different today. He is loving, gentle, apologizing profusely for accidentally stepping on your toe. He is no longer inappropriate. (Although I am curious to see his reaction to some of his upcoming female visitors that are not his mom or sister.) I don't know if it is the medication change, the cytoxan, or just time to heal, but he is a pleasure to be around.
Michael knows Mom and Dad almost all the time and loves them SO much. He can identify Jordan and me in a picture.  He can put together complicated puzzles and do addition, subtraction, division, and multiplication in his head. He can read on about a second-grade level. He can write. He can make 3-point shot after 3-point shot. Get him started with "I said it's great... and he will finish "to be a Tennessee Vol!" I love that. Some things you do not forget.

Michael's short-term memory remains the greatest struggle and obstacle to coming home safely. We have to know that he will accept mom and dad as his parents, cooperate with them, and recognize that home is home. Pray for that.

I love my brother. I miss who he was, but I am grateful that he is still here with us and love who he is now too- sweet, smart, still handsome and still a fighter.  Just gotta keep the faith as we move forward.

Lets Party!

Michael's birthday is coming up on September 15, so my sisters and I are going to throw him a party at the Windsor House. If anyone would like to send him something for the special occasion, here is his address; Touchstone Neurorecovery Center 9297 Rahenberger Road Conroe, TX 77304-2441 [Windsor House] To Michael's friends, just use your imagination. Ya'll know what he likes. He is starting to look at all the posters and pictures in his room of friends and family, and is amazed that I know everyone's name. He may have to start over with friendships, so I hope that ya'll are up for that. He has to relearn so much, so lets all pray that the part of his brain that stores new information will heal. It may have to be a miracle, so PLEASE, everyone that believes in miracles....pray without ceasing! When his cousin, Seth was here, we bought him a cheap digital camera so he could take pictures. He is helping me make a book of everyday objects that he will be using, to memorize. Michael has made great improvements since he has been at this facility. They have pretty much changed his meds and between that and the cytoxan, things are getting better. The staff at Windsor House are very compassionate and great with Michael. They can see that he is a wonderful guy and I am so thankful for that! We also have several people coming out to give Mike and I a break, over the next couple months. So thank-you to Loren, Aaron, Jordan, Ashley, Chelsea, Maisie, Rajib, Aunt Lynda, and Aunt Peggy. We appreciate you so much! Post from Mom

Better

Rosi and I had a good visit with Michael today. We went to Barnes and Noble and loaded up on stuff we hope will help him to learn. A number of educational books, puzzles, and whatnot. Michael loves academics in general and is like a sponge now. He is very strong in math and Rosi has him reading basic stuff. We put together a puzzle tonight of the US, but he has a problem with abstract things as far as understanding what the map means. (Kinda like Rosi, - oops, did I say that?)

The rehab has made some significant changes in Michael's meds and the result has been great. He is much calmer now and more what I would call normal. He shows little signs of aggression, and in fact leans much more towards his loving side. He wants lots of hugs and affection, which we are glad to provide.

Michael is also showing some early signs of being able to remember some things. He remembered the first and last name of the tech staying with him today, which is a first. He is also beginning to remember family names. Repetition.

The only negative is that it is difficult for us to leave because he wants to go with us and gets emotional. We are hoping he will accept it and not beg us to leave. It is hard, but we are truthful and he will learn. That will be a sign we are closer to him being able to come home.

It also came a huge thunderstorm and rain here this evening. Its been awhile since we have seen that in Texas.

Baby steps

Well, we are on plan D for Michael and it is called Touchstone. He has been here for 2 weeks and after a rocky start appears to be settling in somewhat. Every time he is moved, it is very hard on him. I'm hoping that this Rehab has the staying power to be "The Place" that gets him back on the road to recovery. The staff are very friendly and can already see what kind of person Michael is. His aggression is beginning to decrease and at times he can be talked down when he is getting upset. The trigger is always his lack of understanding of where he is and wanting to go home. He seems to think that he has done something wrong and is being punished. We are constantly reassuring him that he is in a very good place and that he has not done anything wrong. What is different from before he started the cytoxan is that he will listen and take the info in [which is progress]. However, the problem is that he only remembers it for a couple of minutes. The short term loss is devastating. Until he knows Mike and I consistently, we cannot safely bring him home. Of course, we are hoping that the cytoxan will help with that issue, but only time will tell. My gut feeling is that because the HSV had simmered in his brain for a good 8 days before his friend, thank God, found him, it is the result of the HSV and not the NMDA.
I often wonder how Michael's boss feels about what his own personal lack of concern for Michael, has done to him and our family. It is probably a good thing I don't know who he is. Some of you may be saying, "Rosi sounds angry" and let me assure you, that I am. I watch my beautiful, bright son struggle every day to remember how old he is and how to find the restroom. He was recruited to go to work for this company and this is what he got from them. He could afford his own apartment for the first time in his life. He was so excited to be able to buy nice furniture of his own. Over these last 8 months, we've been paying it off for him so he could enjoy it again one day. I am going to change gears because I know I sound negative.
My nephew came this past weekend and had a great time with Michael! He really enjoys when family and friends spend time with him. I would like to encourage those friends of Michaels who haven't visited, to do so. This is not the time to abandon a friend in need. We have a 2 bedroom apartment and car here for anyone to use while they visit. Mike and I would like to spend more time in Nashville with family but we need someone to be here for the weekend. It is all down time and is boring and lonely for him if no one is here. Rajib is coming for the 2nd time this weekend so Mike and I can get home. He is so good with Michael. Thank you Rajib! Let me finish on a positive note. Michael is asking very good questions now that point to continual awareness which is a phase of healing. He leaned over to me at dinner and said "The bad thing about me is that I can't remember anyone's name."
Post from Mom

Conroe

Rosi and I moved our Dallas apartment stuff to an apartment in Conroe today. Not sure if it was the right thing to do, but at this point we make short term decisions. After we got our stuff inside, we went to see Michael and he appears to be doing very well. We aren't seeing too much aggitation and he is learning more each day. If his memory can decide to kick in it will be a game changer. Patience.

I think our final tally at Uno tonight was Michael 7, Rosi 7, and Dad 2. Not sure how that happened. I think they cheat. Rosi says she has a strategy but we didn't want to hear it.

We shot a bit of basketball today, too. Michael still has his touch. He was very complimentary of our efforts and kept saying how much he loved me and his mom. I think he realizes what his family means to him now.

The end of the days are tough, cause he wants to go 'home' with us. He took it very well tonight, though, and we said we would see him tomorrow. Also, his cousin Seth is coming in from Michigan for the weekend. They will have fun.

All Ok. We love our boy and he makes sure we know he loves us too.

The apartment is not too far from his rehab and is available to whomever wants to visit Michael. Just let us know.

Quick Update....

Michael has moved to his new rehab outside Houston (Touchstone). So far, so good. It was a huge relief to find a rehab that could take him, insurance accepted, and it is the type he needs. All big things that happened the day after the love bomb. Accident, I think not.

Mom is flying down today to meet Dad and spend some time with Michael this weekend, then they will both head back home (Gallatin) for a much-deserved and much-needed break.

Thank you all for your continued support.

Hope emerges

First, let me thank you all for the "LOVE BOMB". It was amazing and meant so much to all of us! I had no idea that such an organization existed, so thanks so much. The last few days the social worker, Mike, and Jordan have been at work finding an appropriate facility for Michael. He will be transferred to Touchstone in Conroe, TX Monday morning [yeah]. Today, he is getting the second round of Cytoxan [yeah]. I dare to hope! Please pray that this will be the place where he can heal and recover. Let me finish on a funny note. About a week into his stay at the hospital, they decided to put him in a vale bed[netting enclosing the bed]. Overnight he managed to systematically tear it down and then helped to carry it out of his room, saying, I think I did something bad. we kind of love that fight and determination in him! That is our "Michael Sluder". Post by Mom

Limbo (again)

Well, here we are again in limbo. There are quite a few folks searching for an answer as to where is the best place Michael can go, but this takes time. I expect it will take another week. Meanwhile he is in the hospital, which is not the best place for him.

Michael sometimes recognizes me/us and sometimes doesn't. When he doesn't, he will constantly ask if we know his name and how old he is. This is to convince himself that you know him and he is Ok to be with you. The doctor is familiar and gave this a long name. He says there are ways to try to cope with this and will get me some more information. That is what happened the other day when we brought Michael to our apartment. He could not recognize our faces and then didn't trust us, so he fled. It isn't unusual for him to be with me and then ask me if he can speak to his dad. I just say sure and go out in the hall and call his room. He is OK with my voice on the phone but just cannot put the face with it. Temporal lobe problems.

We are currently in the taking two steps backward phase. I have to only hope that this will all work out, but it is far from over.

Pops

Empty

That describes how we feel. We have been with Michael day after day now for 7 months. We felt like our constant love and support would help him heal and come back, but its just not enough. He needs a facility that understands brain injury and is equipped to handle explosive behavior at times without harming him. That has already been done to him. He needs room to roam and physical activity such as a gym or rec room to let off steam when he becomes confused and angry. If anyone reading this knows of a facility like this, no matter where it is please let us know. We are at our wits end and very exhausted. In fact, I'm driving home tomorrow with Jordan and our dogs. I need to regroup and spend time with my other family members and let the pros handle Michael. Mike and I have both agreed that it is time to detach and let go. If we keep going at this pace, it will kill us. I feel defeated and like I'm turning my back on Michael, but I don't know what else to do. Post by Mom

What the heck is happening?

So this has been the most ridiculous day in quite some time. I know that Jordan and I probably have our facebook friends very confused, so I am using this as a forum to just let everyone know what is going on.

Monday, Pate (rehab center) gave my parents a week to find a new place for Michael. He is more aggressive right now (ironically, they attribute that to the healing process and more awareness....) and has hurt some members of their staff.

This morning (Thursday), they called mom early and told her that they could no longer keep Michael safe and needed him gone today. My parents made plans to pick him up and we started the ball rolling towards bringing him home to Nashville. Lots of phone calls and plans being made.

Mom and Dad went to Pate and picked Michael up. Almost immediately after arriving at their apartment, he became belligerent (no short term memory and paranoia are issues, so he did not know who they were), hit mom and dad, escaped into the parking lot, caused a scene. Cops were called. This obviously is a very clear sign that Michael is not ready to come home. They are currently at the hospital where he will likely spend the weekend and the first part of next week while they make arrangements for a new rehab center. Dallas is tapped out, so it will be somewhere far away. (California is the only option I have heard as of right now).

This puts our family in three different places. Big bummer. It leaves me reflecting (again) how quickly our lives changed last December and how much pain and confusion this has caused. I am having to draw upon deep reserves in order to remain hopeful or positive.

That's the story for today. Thanks friends and family for caring.

Loren

Please help

I hav'nt posted in awhile because things are so difficult. Mike is certainly right about progress, but with it comes a huge downside. Pate is wanting to send Michael to another rehab because they cannot handle him when he becomes aggressive. I am so sad because I thought this was the perfect set-up for Michael to heal. I must admit I am angry as well; I feel like they are throwing in the towel before the cytoxan has a real chance to work. If he goes to another rehab it would be out of state and he would lose his neurologist here as well as us. I believe it will set him back again. So I struggle with the question, "Why does'nt anything go his way and where is God when we need him desparately?" If anyone reading this has an honest answer or real hope to offer me, I would love to hear from you. I feel like I am drowning in heartache and don't know how much longer I can do this. At times he knows I am his mom, but then he does'nt and asks who I am. When I tell him, he becomes very upset and at times angry. He says that I am not his mom....he knows who his mom is. I walk on eggshells with my own son. When he looks me in the eyes with his beautiful green eyes and does'nt know me, I can't even find words to describe what it does to me. I am trying so hard every day to stay strong for him and put on a smile when I see him, but I am dying inside a little more each day. I think all of you know how much Michael is loved and I can't imagine what our lives will be like without him. I do know that we can't bring him home until he can get back some memory. We would not be able to keep him safe much less at home. He would leave and there is no telling what would happen to him. Insurance is already hinting that they can't pay for rehab forever, as they put it. If they don't do right by Michael and something bad happens to him, God help them because I will hold them responsible. Post from Mom

Changes

We are seeing some positive changes in Michael's overall awareness. He is asking better questions and wants to know what has happened to him and why he is here. He also knows us much better now and is able to take in much more of what is going on around him now.
We began with putting together 24 piece puzzles made for toddlers and now he can go through a 300 piece puzzle fairly quickly. The therapists say he is making real progress in his speech and cognitive therapies.
His periods of aggitation seem to be more short lived nowadays. But he is a handfull at times.
This is all positive and keeps our hopes up. So he still has significant gaps to fill, especially in the language and memory areas, but we feel we are moving in the right direction.

Pops