Please help

I hav'nt posted in awhile because things are so difficult. Mike is certainly right about progress, but with it comes a huge downside. Pate is wanting to send Michael to another rehab because they cannot handle him when he becomes aggressive. I am so sad because I thought this was the perfect set-up for Michael to heal. I must admit I am angry as well; I feel like they are throwing in the towel before the cytoxan has a real chance to work. If he goes to another rehab it would be out of state and he would lose his neurologist here as well as us. I believe it will set him back again. So I struggle with the question, "Why does'nt anything go his way and where is God when we need him desparately?" If anyone reading this has an honest answer or real hope to offer me, I would love to hear from you. I feel like I am drowning in heartache and don't know how much longer I can do this. At times he knows I am his mom, but then he does'nt and asks who I am. When I tell him, he becomes very upset and at times angry. He says that I am not his mom....he knows who his mom is. I walk on eggshells with my own son. When he looks me in the eyes with his beautiful green eyes and does'nt know me, I can't even find words to describe what it does to me. I am trying so hard every day to stay strong for him and put on a smile when I see him, but I am dying inside a little more each day. I think all of you know how much Michael is loved and I can't imagine what our lives will be like without him. I do know that we can't bring him home until he can get back some memory. We would not be able to keep him safe much less at home. He would leave and there is no telling what would happen to him. Insurance is already hinting that they can't pay for rehab forever, as they put it. If they don't do right by Michael and something bad happens to him, God help them because I will hold them responsible. Post from Mom