Well friends and family, I have decided it is time for Michael's "Mama" to weigh in. Up to this point I have felt too raw to verbalize my feelings. Almost as if I might shatter into a million pieces if I begin. I don't wish this on any parent out there. The grief and sadness runs so deep that it feels like my heart is torn. Watching Michael struggle to reclaim his mind is excruciating. I want to fix it for him and cannot. He is such a sweet guy and has always been very close to all of his family. I have pretty much been numb for the last several weeks and running on pure adrenaline. I am normally a positive person, but this situation has tossed me into a black hole that I can not crawl out of on my own. So, I decided I would ask for help. I spoke with a wonderful female doctor today about everything and pretty much poured my heart out. After agreeing that an anti-depressant would help, she prayed with me for Michael and our entire family. Amazing! I guess God is looking out for us after all. I am a woman of faith but must admit, I have struggled with my faith and anger thru all of this. I can't look down for help so I simply choose to look up to the only One that loves my son as much as I do. Please continue to pray for all of us. Thanks to all that have helped in so many ways I cannot name them all. I will pay it forward one day!
I think about y'all all of the time. You have always been such a strong person and a great mom. Love y'all<3
ReplyDeleteRosi, You don't know me, but I'm a FB friend of Sissy's. Mike and I graduated together and I'm from the old neighborhood on Canal and Marshall St. in A'deen. I have always thought a lot of all the Sluders. Sissy gave us this site from FB and asked all to pray.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I so felt your pain in what you wrote and wanted to let you and Mike know that so many people care for and love your family. I was home (A'deen) during Christmas and told family about Michael. They have asked about him several times and I told them about the blog.
I know everyone has their own struggles in life and they are all different. My husband and I lost our first son, Jon, to cancer when he was 13. He fought for 3 and 1/2 yrs. But the doctors at St. Jude kept telling us that his tumor had not spread and when they took it out all the margins were clean. Needless to say, it came back with avengence wedged within the aortic artery. We were prepared for heart surgery. Jon would get an artifical valve, etc. Things never turned around for him after the relapse. I had a numbing sick feeling and I thought maybe I would wake up from this nightmare. I had to go outside to cry so Jon wouldn't see. It sounds like Michael is an awesome person. So was Jon. He had the best of both my husband and me. I hurt so much for him that I felt helpless. He had to be scared to death, but almost always acted brave.
Anyway, my husband, Ricky had a very difficult time coping. He finally got on medication and it helped a lot. You did the right thing by getting help because you have to take care of yourself so you can in turn take care of your family. Y'all are so blessed to have family and friends that are there for you. I know there are many, many people praying for Michael to make a complete recovery.
I hope I didn't ramble to long!!!
God bless you and your family. We will continue to lift Michael's name up to the Lord. God is in total control. And yes, there were times I questioned God about not letting Jon live. But I did feel God's presence during the good days and bad. I would just have to remember to let it in.
My love to all of you, Debbie Kline Bourland
Sluders mom-
ReplyDeleteSluder is very lucky to have such an amazing family. I was telling your husband that his post made me tear up. Being a mom is one of the hardest...excuse me...IS THE HARDEST....job of all. But it's the most rewarding too. Please don't give up on your faith because it is this time that Michael needs you the most. Everything happens for a reason - and we just have to wait to see what exactly that reason is. I know my husband (Juan Trujillo - a friend from Sluders work) breaks down emotionally too. We just have to know that Sluder is a strong guy and is going to make it through this OK.
I know it was hard to write your post because when you speak it - or when you write it - you feel like you're admitting to it. But you have to express your emotions because this is def. a hard position for a parent to be in.
My thoughts are with Sluder everyday. I hope that you are doing ok and stay strong!! Even though I don't know you------I feel for you.
Please keep us updated on Sluder.
We miss him and love him very much.
P.S. Smile :)