I haven't posted lately because I really don't know what to say. Rosi and I are past trying to be strong or trying to be positive, we are simply down to the point of just trying to get through the day. You simply become very numb and don't care about much of anything. Rosi cries through much of the day and even though I try to go to work I cannot focus. I get asked 20 times a day about Michael by folks who I know mean well, but have absolutely no idea what they are asking.
All we know right now is that Michael is only a sliver of his former self. He stays aggitated much of the time and I spend a lot of time trying to hold him with him kicking and spitting at me. Eventually it stops but it may take over an hour. He has little memory of it later, but actually has little memory of anything. He doesn't know who Rosi and I are most of the time, even after all this time. Medically he is fighting infections, black eyes, etc. from his flailing. He can play simple card games and likes to throw the football. I have given up any hope of him returning to anything close to his previous capabilities.
I guess what is getting to us is that this has gone on for so long now that we see little light at the end of the tunnel and we have nothing left. Our sadness for our son runs very deep and it is always present. There is nothing anyone can do to change it, and it is impossible to understand why this happened to him and why he has never been able to catch a break. We will hang in there but you have to try to imagine the pain of watching someone you love so young reduced to nursing home status. I know many of you have experienced similar situations so I don't mean to try to throw out a pity towel, but this is my blog.
I don't think I will blog anymore or come back to this. I cannot imagine why anyone would want to be part of this living hell. Thanks for everyone's support.
Mike
Uncle Mike, we love you guys so much. I do not have words for you, but I wish I could give you all hugs. I know you guys feel alone, but you are not. I certainly won't pretend to understand how painful this is for all of you...so much more than the pain in our family, and I ache for you. Our prayers for all of you will continue because I know that God can reach through and He has a plan.
ReplyDeleteSluder family, I'm so sorry there is no good news. I certainly understand the need to end the blog, but I will remain hopeful that one day there will be joyful news. You are so much stronger than most of us, and I hope that there will be at least peace in your life at some point. -Jessica Wilder
ReplyDeleteWe cannot come close to understanding your agony for Micheal. All of our hearts ache for your family and for Micheal. Praying the holy spirit will wrap Micheal and your family in it's arms. We may never understand why Micheal, but we will continue to have every hope, that the great physician will bring Micheal back. He still moves stones and miracles happen daily. We do not want, in any way, want to mock how you feel.. we will never give up hope for Micheal's return home. God has NOT abandoned Micheal or your family, HE is there.
ReplyDeleteA prayer for healing
ReplyDeleteGod, hear my prayer,
And let my cry come to You.
Do not hide from me in the day of my distress
Turn to me and speedily answer my prayer.
Eternal God, Source of healing,
Out of my distress I call upon You.
Help me sense Your presence
At this difficult time.
Grant me patience when the hours are heavy;
In hurt or disappointment give me courage.
Keep me trustful in Your love.
Give me strength for today, and hope for tomorrow.
To your loving hands I commit my spirit
When asleep and when awake. You are with me; I shall not fear.
Praying for a peace and comfort that you will only find in the arms of God. So many have lifted each of you up in prayer and my wish is that answers and success will soon be yours. We aren't promised a life without sorrow or dificulties but we are promised God will be ther to carry us through them.
ReplyDelete